The Rise of ‘Being Meaner’ on TikTok and What It Really Means

Scrolling through TikTok, you might have noticed a wave of people primarily women declaring 2025 the year of “being meaner.” The trend is less about cruelty and more about shedding people-pleasing tendencies, with users proclaiming, “Clearly, I was not mean enough in 2024.” But is this just a lighthearted way to talk about boundaries, or does it risk crossing the line into harmful behavior?

What Does ‘Being Meaner’ Actually Mean?

At its core, “being meaner” on TikTok seems to be a declaration of self-assertion rather than genuine meanness. It’s about prioritizing personal needs and communicating boundaries clearly. Psychologist Wendy Walsh, PhD, explains that women, in particular, have long been conditioned to be polite and accommodating. Now, many are pushing back and redefining what it means to advocate for themselves.

However, there’s a fine line between assertiveness and aggression. While standing up for yourself is healthy, disregarding others’ feelings entirely can damage relationships. Youth advocate Scott Cooper, co-author of The Four Paths of Assertiveness, warns that research consistently shows hostility can be counterproductive, leading to isolation rather than empowerment.

6 Ways to Be Assertive Without Being Harsh

The goal shouldn’t be to become unkind but rather to communicate with confidence while maintaining respect. Here are six ways to embrace self-advocacy without veering into harmful territory:

1. Get Honest With Yourself

Before setting boundaries, take an honest inventory of your limits. Ask yourself: What do I genuinely want or need? Clarity about your own priorities makes it easier to communicate them effectively.

2. Use “I” Statements

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when my thoughts aren’t considered.” This subtle shift reduces defensiveness and fosters constructive dialogue.

3. Try a ‘No and Yes’ Approach

Saying “no” doesn’t have to be harsh. Instead of a blunt refusal, try, “No, I can’t take that on right now, but I can help later,” or suggest an alternative solution. This keeps communication open while reinforcing your limits.

4. Be Persistent

Just because you set a boundary doesn’t mean others will immediately respect it. If someone pushes back, calmly restate your stance. Persistence shows you mean what you say without resorting to aggression.

5. Control Your Response

Strong emotions can cloud judgment. If a situation triggers you, take a deep breath and respond when you feel calm. A simple, “I need a moment to think about this,” can prevent unnecessary conflict.

6. Accept That Some Conversations Won’t Go Your Way

Not every interaction will end in agreement. If you’ve communicated respectfully and still face resistance, let go of the need for control. Advocating for yourself isn’t about winning it’s about self-respect.

The Bottom Line

The “being meaner” trend isn’t really about cruelty; it’s about self-care. Setting boundaries, expressing needs, and standing firm are essential skills, but they don’t require hostility. Strength and kindness can coexist, and when they do, they create relationships built on mutual respect.

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