Betrayal Trauma Is Real and Here’s How to Start Healing

When someone you deeply trust betrays you, the emotional fallout can be profound. Betrayal trauma a psychological response to a significant violation of trust can feel destabilizing, leading to symptoms like hypervigilance, sleeplessness, and intense emotional swings. While the concept has gained traction in recent years, many people still struggle to find recognition and effective support for this unique form of trauma.

Here’s what you need to know about betrayal trauma and how to begin the journey toward healing.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma arises when someone you depend on for safety and security such as a partner, parent, or authority figure violates your trust.

“Betrayal trauma involves not only the pain of what happened but the shattering of your worldview,” explains Mary Stevenson, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It’s common in situations involving:

• Infidelity or intimate deception

• Abusive or neglectful parenting

• Financial or emotional manipulation

• Betrayal by authority figures, such as religious leaders or mentors

The trauma isn’t always tied to a single event. For many, it’s cumulative and ongoing, making it difficult to pinpoint when it began or how to process it.

Recognizing the Signs of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma can manifest in ways that resemble other forms of trauma:

• Hypervigilance: A constant sense of needing to be on guard

• Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts: Replaying the betrayal over and over

• Difficulty sleeping: Struggling with insomnia, nightmares, or racing thoughts

• Emotional instability: Feeling angry, controlling, fearful, or even detached

• Triggers: Experiencing intense reactions to seemingly minor reminders of the betrayal

In romantic relationships, it may lead to obsessively questioning a partner or doubting the safety of the relationship altogether.

Why Betrayal Trauma Is Hard to Address

Many people don’t immediately recognize betrayal trauma as "trauma," especially when it’s tied to long-term, normalized experiences like childhood abuse, neglect, or systemic inequality.

“There’s no clear separation between cumulative trauma and day-to-day life,” says Ajita Robinson, PhD, a grief and trauma expert. “For many, living with this kind of distress becomes normal, and the trigger isn’t removed because it’s embedded in the environment.”

Systemic barriers can also complicate access to care:

• Women and marginalized groups are often underserved by traditional health systems, with betrayal being dismissed or minimized.

• Cultural stigmas may discourage people, especially in Black communities, from expressing vulnerability or seeking therapy, notes Shanita Brown, PhD, a trauma therapist.

Steps to Cope With Betrayal Trauma

If you’re dealing with betrayal trauma, healing is possible. Here are practical steps to help you start:

1. Acknowledge the Trauma

Name your experience as betrayal trauma. Validation is the first step toward recovery.

2. Seek Professional Help

Work with a trauma-informed therapist who understands betrayal trauma. They can help you process the pain, identify triggers, and rebuild trust in yourself and others.

3. Create Emotional Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with the person who betrayed you to protect your mental health. If ongoing interaction is unavoidable, such as with co-parenting, consider working with a therapist or mediator to navigate the relationship safely.

4. Lean on Trusted Support Networks

Whether through friends, family, or support groups, find people who can provide empathy and understanding. For people of faith, combining therapy with spiritual guidance can be particularly comforting.

5. Focus on Self-Care

Prioritize activities that nourish your mind and body, such as mindfulness, journaling, or exercise. Taking small, deliberate steps can help rebuild a sense of safety within yourself.

6. Learn About Trauma Triggers

Understanding what activates your feelings of distress can empower you to manage and eventually reduce your emotional reactions.

Why Betrayal Trauma Looks Different for Everyone

The way betrayal trauma manifests depends on the individual and the context of the betrayal.

For those in toxic workplaces, for example, a betrayal by a boss can create feelings of alienation and fear, particularly when work is tied to essential needs like healthcare or housing. Veterans and first responders, meanwhile, may question the motives of those in charge, leading to heightened paranoia or difficulty reintegrating into civilian life.

“Trauma often dismantles a person’s sense of safety and trust,” says Rhonda Stewart Jones, LCSW, who works with military and emergency personnel. “Finding comfort becomes an uphill battle.”

Overcoming Barriers to Treatment

Historically, treatment models have failed to address betrayal trauma adequately. Some therapists have mislabeled betrayed individuals as codependent, placing blame on them for their partner’s actions.

“Trauma therapy for marginalized communities needs to recognize the unique cultural and systemic challenges these individuals face,” says Dr. Brown. For Black survivors especially, culturally competent care is critical to feeling seen and understood.

Efforts to combine therapy with faith-based guidance can also help bridge gaps, particularly for communities where mental health resources are scarce. “You can pray ‌and‌ go to therapy,” says Dr. Brown. “It’s not a lack of faith it’s an act of self-care.”

The Bottom Line

Betrayal trauma is a deeply painful experience, but with the right tools and support, recovery is possible. Acknowledging the trauma, setting boundaries, and seeking culturally competent care are all critical steps toward healing.

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