The Subtle Differences Between Falling in Love, Being in Love, and Loving Someone

Love is beautiful, exhilarating, and let’s be honest totally confusing at times. It’s one of the most powerful emotions we can experience, but not all love is the same. There’s falling in love, being in love, and loving someone and each stage comes with its own emotional depth, brain chemistry, and impact on our relationships.

Whether you’re in a new romance or reflecting on a long-term partnership, understanding the differences between these stages can offer clarity and help you connect more deeply with yourself and others.

Falling in Love: The Infatuation Phase

When people say they “fell hard,” they’re usually talking about this exhilarating phase. Falling in love is the start of a romantic relationship and is often marked by a rush of passion, excitement, and idealization.

Key traits of falling in love:

• Butterflies, excitement, and intense attraction

• A strong desire to spend all your time together

• Seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses

• Driven by dopamine and norepinephrine (hello, brain chemistry)

According to relationship expert Rachel DeAlto, falling in love is often more about infatuation than deep understanding. At this point, the flaws of the other person may be invisible, and you’re operating on emotion and chemistry.

Being in Love: The Deepening Connection

As the initial excitement settles, being in love takes over. This phase involves a deeper emotional connection, mutual trust, and the beginning of long-term commitment.

Signs you're in love (not just falling):

• You feel emotionally safe and secure

• You enjoy both the highs and the everyday moments

• There’s mutual respect and open communication

• You're driven more by oxytocin and vasopressin hormones linked to bonding and attachment

This is when love becomes more grounded. You face challenges together, build routines, and truly get to know one another.

Loving Someone: A Lasting, Intentional Choice

Loving someone goes beyond emotion it’s about choosing to support, accept, and care for them through life’s changes. It’s a lasting commitment that can exist romantically, platonically, or even unrequited.

What sets loving someone apart:

• You care deeply about their happiness and well-being

• You accept their flaws and love them anyway

• You feel a sense of duty and devotion, even when it's hard

• You may not feel butterflies but you feel peace and certainty

Therapist Gabriela Reyes, LMFT, explains, “Being in love is usually reserved for romantic relationships, while loving someone can apply to close friends, family, or even pets. Both matter, but they offer different emotional fulfillment.”

How to Know Which Stage You're In

Still unsure where you stand? Here are some emotional checkpoints that can help you gauge what kind of love you're experiencing:

• You feel a high just thinking about them—Likely falling in love

• You feel calm and seen in their presence—You’re probably in love

• You prioritize their needs and future—You likely love them deeply

• You picture them in your long-term life plans—That’s a sign of secure love

In a healthy relationship, these stages can evolve naturally over time and may even cycle back around.

What About Saying "I Love You"?

For many people, there's anxiety around how soon is too soon to say those three words. There's no perfect timeline it’s more about what feels genuine. Some also wonder about the difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you."

Therapist Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, explains:

• “I’m in love with you” expresses romantic passion

• “I love you” signals emotional security and trust

• Having both? That’s the ideal combination of deep connection and devotion

Can You Be in Love with More Than One Person?

Yes, it’s possible especially during the falling or being in love phases. Emotions aren’t always exclusive. However, truly loving someone often involves focused commitment and long-term emotional energy, which may be more difficult to divide.

What True Love Feels Like

True love feels like a calm, secure emotional home. According to DeAlto, “It includes mutual respect, trust, and commitment. True love involves a sense of security, knowing that you can rely on your partner through anything.”

This level of love is less about the fireworks and more about showing up day after day, through joy and challenge alike.

Do Feelings of Love Change Over Time?

Absolutely. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s natural and healthy for love to evolve. The passion of new love can fade, but what often takes its place is a deeper connection based on shared values, experiences, and mutual growth.

“In strong, healthy partnerships, love is always evolving,” says Groskopf. The secret is to nurture it with communication, honesty, and care.

The Bottom Line

Each stage of love falling, being, and loving is beautiful in its own right. Falling in love is thrilling, being in love is emotionally rich, and loving someone is a meaningful choice. While they’re different, they can all be part of the same relationship at different times.

Understanding the differences can help you communicate better, love more intentionally, and recognize what’s right for you. Whether you're riding the highs of a new crush or building something lasting and deep, love whatever stage it’s in is always worth exploring.

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