How to Be a Better Conversationalist

Conversations are the glue that holds relationships together, but for many of us, holding a meaningful dialogue can feel awkward, especially in a post-pandemic world. If making small talk or knowing what to say next isn’t your strong suit, you’re not alone. Therapists say that social skills have taken a hit in recent years, and learning how to connect again is a challenge many people are still navigating.

That said, conversation is a skill one that anyone can practice and improve. Whether you're hoping to network more confidently, enjoy richer friendships, or simply feel less awkward at social events, these expert-backed tips can help you become a better conversationalist.

Why Good Conversations Matter

Research from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that people consistently underestimate how enjoyable or valuable a conversation with a stranger can be. Whether it’s at a dinner party or in the elevator, connecting with others even briefly has been shown to improve mood, increase empathy, and even boost cognitive function.

“Conversation is where connection begins,” says psychologist Dave Smallen, PhD. “The more we’re present and curious, the more meaningful our relationships can become.”

6 Ways to Be a Better Conversationalist

1. Practice Active Listening

Instead of planning your next comment while someone else is speaking, give them your full attention. That means making eye contact, putting away distractions, and mentally staying in the moment. One helpful technique? Gently repeat or rephrase something they said to show you’re engaged.

2. Be Curious, Not Corrective

Approach conversations with curiosity not the goal of proving a point. “We’re not likely to change someone’s mind in one conversation,” says Dr. Smallen. “But we can build understanding and trust.” When differences arise, focus on hearing their perspective rather than debating.

3. Embrace the Awkward Moments

False starts, talking over each other, nervous laughter all normal. “We find our shared rhythm together,” says Dr. Smallen. Conversations don’t have to be perfect to be impactful.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of yes/no prompts, try questions that start with “how,” “what,” or “why.” For example:

• “What’s something that’s made you laugh recently?”

• “How do you like to spend your weekends?”

• “Tell me more about that trip you mentioned.”

These invite longer, more thoughtful responses and keep the flow going.

5. Share Something Personal

Self-disclosure, even something small, builds intimacy. Instead of defaulting to “I’m fine” when asked how you are, try offering a short story or a more honest reflection. This creates space for the other person to do the same.

6. Be Mindful of Interrupting

Let the other person finish their thought before chiming in. And if you catch yourself dominating the conversation, gently steer it back with a line like, “That’s my experience what about you?”

Why It Feels Harder Lately

Social media and virtual communication have made it easier to “connect” without really engaging. “We’re missing out on nonverbal cues and emotional expressions,” says therapist Racheal Turner, LPC. That disconnect can make in-person conversations feel more intimidating or awkward than they used to.

Add in lingering post-pandemic isolation and it’s no wonder many people feel out of practice. The good news? These skills come back with use. Like any muscle, connection gets stronger the more you flex it.

What Makes a Conversation Feel Meaningful?

“A healthy conversation happens when two people feel heard and respected even if they don’t agree,” says conversation expert Debra Roberts, LCSW. That means:

• Active listening

• Mutual eye contact

• Open body language

• Balanced sharing

• Respect for boundaries and differences

And yes, even “boring” conversations can be redirected. Try: “That’s interesting! Can I switch gears for a sec I’d love to ask you about something else…”

How to Start a Conversation Without It Feeling Forced

It’s normal to feel nervous. Dr. Smallen notes that people often judge themselves more harshly than others do. “We assume we’re being awkward when others are actually appreciating the effort,” he says.

Look for common ground weather, the setting, something they’re wearing and ease into it. Then, as comfort builds, you can move from small talk to something more personal or meaningful.

Key Phrases to Keep in Your Back Pocket

• “Then what happened?”

• “Earlier you mentioned [topic] tell me more.”

• “I’ve felt that way too. What was that like for you?”

• “That reminds me of something can I share?”

These prompts show interest, build connection, and keep the exchange going without dominating it.

When to Seek Deeper Connection

If you’re feeling stuck in surface-level conversations, try increasing vulnerability gradually. “We build emotional intimacy through a series of small disclosures,” says Dr. Smallen. With time and mutual trust, the conversation deepens.

And remember Not every conversation will be meaningful. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection it’s connection.

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