How to Deal With Regret and Actually Move Forward

Regret is one of the most universally felt but deeply personal emotions. Whether it's tied to a relationship, career move, or missed opportunity, regret often shows up as a blend of guilt, shame, and sadness. And while it can feel immobilizing, experts say regret doesn’t have to be a roadblock it can actually become a turning point.

“Regret is a powerful emotion that can deeply affect our mental and emotional well-being,” says licensed therapist Sandra Kushnir, LMFT. “But it’s possible to move through this pain and find a path to healing and growth.” Ahead, mental health professionals share the tools that can help you understand and work through any type of regret so you can finally move forward.

What Causes Regret?

At its core, regret stems from a gap between what we wanted to happen and what actually occurred. According to clinical social worker Dr. Zack Goldman, regret is often triggered by unmet expectations, perceived failures, or internal conflict about the choices we've made. It can show up in every area of life from career changes to relationships to health habits and its emotional impact is often magnified when we personalize those decisions as character flaws.

And while the urge to avoid regret is normal (and sometimes protective), constantly dodging tough decisions can also lead to its own kind of regret.

10 Therapist-Backed Tips for Working Through Regret

1. Name the emotion

Before you can process it, you need to understand it. Acknowledge the sadness, frustration, or anger you feel, and put it into words. Doing so helps activate the part of your brain responsible for self-regulation so you’re not just stuck in emotional loops.

2. Look for the upside

Not every poor outcome is 100% negative. “Dive into your negative thoughts and check their accuracy,” says psychologist Lara Fielding, PhD. What did your decision protect you from? What good came of it, even if it wasn’t your intention?

3. Practice self-compassion

We all make mistakes. Remind yourself: You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. “We are fallible,” says psychologist Amy Silver, PsyD. “Regret is a very common negative emotion.” That doesn’t make you broken it makes you human.

4. Seek forgiveness if others were involved

If your regret impacted someone else, an apology can be healing for both of you. Even if they don’t accept it, you’ll know you took responsibility. And that can be enough to move forward.

5. Give yourself time to grieve

Some regrets carry real loss, like a relationship that ended badly or a missed opportunity you can’t reclaim. It’s okay to mourn what could have been. Processing regret like grief can help you slowly let go without minimizing what you’ve lost.

6. Zoom out

This mistake doesn’t define you. It was one decision at one moment in time not the sum total of who you are. Creating distance from your regret helps you reframe it as a temporary setback, not a permanent identity.

7. Find connection in your experience

Talking with others who’ve faced similar regrets can be profoundly healing. It reminds you that regret is part of being human, and that your story is more relatable than you think.

8. Recognize regret as useful

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also informative. “Regret helps us see clearly what we don’t want to do,” says therapist Whitney Thomas. Let it guide you, not paralyze you.

9. Learn the lesson

Ask yourself: What does this regret teach me about what I value? How might I act differently next time? Growth doesn’t erase regret, but it gives it purpose.

10. Use it as motivation

Inaction can be just as regret-inducing as the “wrong” action. If you’re holding onto regret over something you didn’t do, consider this a prompt to take the first step now whether it’s reaching out to someone, trying something new, or simply not repeating the same mistake.

Understanding the Four Types of Regret

According to experts, regret generally falls into four categories:

• Foundation regrets: Failing to invest in your long-term well-being (e.g., not saving money, neglecting health).

• Moral regrets: Acting (or failing to act) in line with your values.

• Boldness regrets: Not taking a leap when the moment called for courage.

• Connection regrets: Letting important relationships fade or end unresolved.

Each type reveals something about what we value and each one offers an opportunity for deeper self-awareness.

Why Regret Feels So Painful

Regret doesn’t just live in your head it can live in your body, too. “It activates brain regions linked to decision-making and emotional processing, like the orbitofrontal cortex and amygdala,” explains Dr. Goldman. It also engages the vagus nerve, which may lead to physical symptoms like stomach discomfort or heartache.

The key to quieting these symptoms? Practices that calm the nervous system and bring you back to the present, such as breathwork, meditation, or gentle movement.

Can Regret Ever Fully Go Away?

It depends. Some regrets fade as time offers perspective, while others may linger. But even persistent regret doesn’t have to dominate your life. With the right tools and support it can transform into something useful.

“The emotional process of regret is really about stepping back to see the humanity of it,” says Thomas. “Regret can be painful, but it’s also a sign that you care. That’s something to honor, not hide.”

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