Psychologists Share 10 Strategies to Help You Forget Bad Memories

We all have memories we’d rather forget. From cringe-worthy moments to experiences that truly left a mark, unwanted memories can surface without warning sometimes at the worst possible times. If you’ve ever found yourself mentally spiraling after a memory hijacks your day, you're far from alone.

“Negative experiences tend to stick in our memory more than positive ones, a phenomenon known as negativity bias,” explains Judith S. Beck, PhD, president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy. And while this might have once served an evolutionary purpose like avoiding dangerous situations it doesn’t always serve us well today.

The good news? While there’s no magic button to erase a bad memory, psychologists say there are ways to reduce its emotional impact, reframe your experience, and even overwrite it with something more helpful. Here are 10 expert-backed strategies to help you move forward.

1. Distract Yourself in the Moment

When a painful memory hijacks your thoughts, distraction can act like a reset button. “Go for a walk, call a friend, or engage in something that requires your full attention,” says Dr. Beck. This doesn’t mean ignoring the memory altogether it just gives you space to step away and regain control.

2. Identify and Avoid Triggers

Just like scent can bring back childhood memories, it can also summon trauma. If you know certain sounds, smells, or places are tied to negative experiences, do your best to avoid or minimize exposure to them, especially while you’re still healing.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness isn’t about shutting off your thoughts it’s about noticing them without judgment. “When a bad memory surfaces, gently guide your attention back to your breath or the present moment,” says Dr. Beck. This trains your brain to acknowledge thoughts without letting them take over.

4. Substitute With a Better Memory

“If a painful memory surfaces, actively choose to recall a more positive one instead,” says Michael Stagar, LPC-S, a trauma specialist. Just like rerouting your car around traffic, this technique helps build a new mental pathway that can gradually replace the old one.

5. Create New Associations

One powerful way to lessen a bad memory’s emotional charge? Make new ones in the same place. If the beach reminds you of a breakup, plan a joyful gathering there with friends. “You’re giving your brain a new experience to associate with that setting,” explains Stagar.

6. Support Your Brain With Healthy Habits

Getting regular movement, prioritizing sleep, and reducing stress can help your brain process and release difficult emotions more effectively. “A healthy lifestyle plays a major role in emotional regulation,” Dr. Beck notes.

7. Write It Out

Writing about the memory in a journal can help make sense of what happened and begin to reshape the narrative. “Putting thoughts on paper allows you to process them more objectively,” Stagar says. Try stream-of-consciousness writing or even writing a letter to your past self.

8. Surround Yourself With Support

Having a few people you trust to listen without judgment can make a world of difference. “Sharing your story in a safe space helps decrease shame and isolation,” Stagar says. Even if you don’t feel ready to talk, just being around supportive people can boost emotional resilience.

9. Create a Plan for Triggering Dates

If there are specific times of year that feel heavy like the anniversary of a loss or traumatic event plan ahead. Use a calendar to schedule positive activities in the weeks before, and write down self-care goals to help you feel more grounded.

10. Seek Professional Support

If your memories are interfering with daily life, consider working with a therapist trained in trauma modalities like EMDR or cognitive processing therapy. “You might believe that facing a memory will overwhelm you,” says Dr. Beck, “but a therapist can help you process it safely and transform the emotional impact.”

Can You Actually Erase a Memory?

Not exactly. While complete memory erasure isn’t possible (outside of science fiction), research from the University of Cambridge shows that we can weaken unwanted memories through a process called retrieval-induced forgetting. In essence, the more you recall alternative memories, the harder it becomes to access the original one.

Certain medications like propranolol may reduce the emotional intensity of traumatic memories—but even these don’t fully erase them. And while severe trauma can interfere with how memories form (particularly due to changes in the hippocampus), most “forgotten” memories are simply difficult to retrieve, not gone entirely.

Why You Shouldn’t Try to Bury Bad Memories

“Blocking bad memories might offer short-term relief, but long-term, it can cause emotional harm,” Stagar warns. Suppressing trauma often leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overworking, substance misuse, or emotional detachment. Instead, give yourself permission to feel what you feel.

“The memories aren’t the problem,” he adds. “How you deal with them is what determines whether they help or hurt you.”

How to Cope With Painful Memories

In the end, learning to coexist with hard memories is part of healing. You don’t have to let the past define you—but you also don’t need to pretend it didn’t happen. Whether through journaling, therapy, or simply sitting with your emotions in a safe space, healing happens when you stop running and start listening.

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