Why Aren’t We Doing More to Help New Moms Get Sleep

“My dad told me after my daughter was born, ‘You’ll get used to four hours of sleep.’ He was right.”

For millions of new moms, this isn’t just a joke it’s reality. Between night feedings, teething, and learning to soothe a newborn, sleep quickly becomes a luxury. But what’s most alarming isn’t just the exhaustion it’s how normal we’ve made it.

From Instagram memes to offhand comments at the pediatrician’s office, we accept new-mom sleep deprivation as a rite of passage. But experts say it’s far more serious than that. Lack of sleep isn’t just a badge of honor it’s a major risk factor for postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs).

So why aren’t we doing more to protect postpartum sleep?

Sleep Deprivation and Mental Health: What the Research Says

The link between poor sleep and maternal mental health has been well-documented. According to Michele Okun, PhD, director of the Sleep and Biobehavioral Research Lab at the University of Colorado, sleep disruption after birth can lead to:

• Mood instability

• Immune dysfunction

• Increased inflammation

• Heightened risk for anxiety and depression

In fact, up to 97% of postpartum people report sleep problems in the first year after birth, and over one in four experience depressive symptoms, according to recent studies. Even more striking? Research shows that even in the second year postpartum, moms still average under seven hours of sleep per night.

And yet, postpartum mental health screening often ends after a single six-week checkup an appointment up to 40% of new moms never attend.

“That one-month evaluation is really insufficient,” says Dr. Okun. “Symptoms can develop anytime in the first year.”

Why Is This Still Treated Like a Personal Problem?

In countries without universal paid leave, many parents return to work before their babies sleep through the night. Often, there’s little to no support for non-birthing parents either, putting even more pressure on new moms.

“There’s a huge drop-off in care after the baby arrives,” says Catherine Monk, PhD, director of Women’s Mental Health at NewYork-Presbyterian. “Moms can feel like candy wrappers discarded after delivery.”

Sleep medications like Zurzuvae, the first oral drug approved for postpartum depression, show promise. But they’re only one piece of the puzzle. What parents really need is practical, systemic support from equitable parental leave to accessible postpartum care.

How to Get Support (Even If You’re Sleep-Deprived Right Now)

Until broader change happens, experts and doulas recommend these real-life strategies to protect your well-being:

1. Reclaim Naps (Even Short Ones)

If you can sneak in a 20–30 minute nap while your baby sleeps, do it. Dr. Okun says it can significantly improve cognitive function and emotional regulation even if it doesn’t replace a full night’s rest.

2. Ask for (Specific) Help

Set up a meal train, ask visitors to fold laundry, or trade off baby duties with your partner or support person. Practical help means more time to rest or recharge.

3. Delegate Overnight Shifts

If you pump or bottle-feed, create a schedule that splits nighttime care. Doula and educator Cheyenne Varner advises families to talk openly about sleep preferences and divide responsibilities accordingly.

4. Redefine Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t have to mean spa days. A quiet moment with hot tea, a walk around the block, or 10 minutes alone to eat lunch can help regulate your nervous system.

5. Hire Help if You Can

Postpartum doulas, night nurses, and sleep retreats are becoming more common but cost is still a barrier. In states like New York, Medicaid now covers doula care. Ask about sliding scales, payment plans, or insurance reimbursement through HSA/FSA funds.

6. Consider a Postpartum Retreat

If your budget allows, wellness-focused retreats like Sanu Postpartum or Boram offer round-the-clock infant care, prepared meals, and personalized support to help you heal and rest.

7. Speak Up About PMADs

Watch for signs of postpartum depression, anxiety, or rage including isolation, intrusive thoughts, or emotional numbness. If these symptoms persist, seek help from your doctor or a specialized mental health provider.

Download resources like The Motherhood Center’s free PMAD guide and talk openly with loved ones. Community, not silence, can be lifesaving.

Moving From Individual Survival to Collective Support

“People are underserved in the postpartum period,” says Lindsey Bliss, doula and founder of Carriage House Birth. “We plan for weddings down to the flower arrangements, but not for postpartum recovery.”

That’s starting to change, thanks to advocacy from reproductive health leaders and support from organizations like:

• The Birth Fund (grants for midwifery care)

• The Motherhood Center of New York (mental health support)

• The ARIAH Foundation (support for BIPOC parents)

• Paid Leave for All (policy reform)

Still, there’s a long way to go and it starts by shifting the narrative.

“Sleep isn’t a luxury,” Varner says. “It’s healthcare. It’s recovery. It’s survival.”

The Bottom Line

We wouldn’t expect someone to recover from surgery while caring for another human on four hours of sleep. So why is it different for postpartum moms?

Supporting maternal mental health starts with sleep yes, naps and hot showers count but it also means creating policies, communities, and cultures that don’t treat exhaustion as normal. It’s not.

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