Why Spanking May Harm Your Child More Than You Realize

For many parents, spanking has long been seen as a quick fix to correct bad behavior. But a growing body of research is making it increasingly clear spanking may cause more harm than good. A comprehensive review published in The Lancet analyzed over 69 studies and found that spanking doesn't actually improve children’s behavior over time. In fact, it can increase aggression, antisocial behavior, and emotional distress sometimes even leading to long-term mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

Why Spanking Can Backfire

Experts now widely agree that spanking is not an effective tool for discipline. Instead of teaching children how to manage their emotions or solve problems, it may erode trust, create fear, and model aggression as a way to handle conflict. Joan Durrant, PhD, one of the review's co-authors, puts it simply: “When somebody hits us, it doesn’t make things better. It makes us angry and resentful.”

Additionally, spanking often occurs when a parent is frustrated or angry, which raises the risk of unintentionally crossing the line into physical harm. Research also shows that children who experience spanking are more likely to encounter Child Protective Services later in life.

Positive Alternatives to Spanking

So how can you discipline your child while fostering emotional regulation, social skills, and healthy relationships? Experts like Dr. Durrant and child psychiatrist Helen Egger, MD, offer these seven strategies:

1. Redefine Discipline

Discipline doesn't have to involve punishment. Instead, try to understand your child's motivation for misbehavior and use it as a teachable moment. For example, if your child runs through the house, rather than reacting with physical punishment, explain why the behavior is unsafe and offer a constructive alternative like playing outside to burn off energy.

2. Reinforce Positive Behavior

Dr. Egger recommends practicing positive reinforcement. Notice and praise your child when they behave well this encourages them to repeat those behaviors. Research shows that acknowledging good behavior can be more effective than punishing bad behavior.

3. Focus on 'Do' Statements

Framing instructions positively helps guide children without creating shame or negativity. Swap “Don’t run!” for “Please use your walking feet” or “Stop yelling” for “Use your inside voice.”

4. Use the ABC Method

When addressing negative behavior, consider the Antecedent (what triggered it), Behavior (what happened), and Consequence (how you respond). For instance, if your child gets upset after screen time ends, give a gentle warning ahead of time, set a timer, and transition to another engaging activity when time’s up.

5. Ignore Minor Missteps

Kids often act out to get attention, even if it’s negative. For small infractions like whining or tantrums, ignoring the behavior while acknowledging their feelings can help avoid reinforcing it. You might say, “I know you’re upset, but I’ll be here when you’re ready to play nicely.”

6. Monitor Your Own Reactions

Children model behavior after their parents. Reacting with emotional outbursts or harsh punishment teaches them to respond similarly. Instead, stay calm, recognize your own triggers, and model the behavior you want to see.

7. Keep Expanding Your Parenting Toolbox

Parenting isn’t always intuitive. Seek resources from credible organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics or consult a pediatrician, mental health professional, or parenting support group. The more tools you have, the easier it becomes to foster healthy, respectful discipline.

Rethinking Your Parenting Approach

Ultimately, spanking is an outdated method that carries significant risks and few if any benefits. Shifting toward positive, relationship-based strategies can not only curb unwanted behaviors but also support your child’s emotional well-being and trust in you.

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