What Not to Say to Someone With Obesity

Whether it’s said out of concern, curiosity, or carelessness, commentary about someone else’s body is rarely helpful and when it comes to people living with obesity, it can be downright damaging. Unlike many other health conditions, obesity is visible, making it a common target for unsolicited opinions, advice, and assumptions.

But here's the truth obesity is a complex, chronic disease that involves genetics, biology, environment, and more not a simple matter of willpower or lifestyle. And unless you're a medical professional trained in obesity care, it's not your place to comment on someone else's weight.

We spoke with Fatima Cody Stanford, MD, MPH, a leading obesity medicine physician, about the most common harmful things people say to those with obesity and why it's time to stop.

1. “I’m Just Concerned About Your Health”

This phrase might sound caring, but it’s often rooted in body-based judgment. Dr. Stanford points out that we rarely express “health concern” to thinner people with poor habits only those whose bodies visibly show signs of higher weight.

The reality? Many people with obesity are already deeply invested in their health. You may be speaking to someone who’s made enormous progress behind the scenes like losing and maintaining 200+ pounds.

Bottom line: Unless asked, health is a personal topic. Show empathy, not concern coated in criticism.

2. “Should You Be Eating That?”

This is a classic example of food policing and it’s hurtful, no matter who says it. Questioning someone’s food choices assumes they’re irresponsible or unaware, and ignores the fact that one meal doesn’t define a person’s entire lifestyle.

Plus, Dr. Stanford reminds us that “thin” doesn’t always equal healthy, and indulging occasionally is part of a balanced life for everyone.

Supportive alternative: Focus on your own plate, and let others enjoy theirs without commentary.

3. “You’re So Brave/Inspiring”

While this might seem like a compliment, it implies that simply existing in a larger body is a heroic feat. Obesity isn’t a choice it’s a medical condition. For some, it’s been a lifelong struggle; for others, it’s linked to trauma, medication, or other health issues.

Acknowledging someone’s strength is fine but avoid tying it to their weight or body.

Better approach: Compliment qualities unrelated to appearance or size like their sense of humor, creativity, or perseverance.

4. “If You Just Set Your Mind to It…”

This statement oversimplifies an incredibly complex issue. Dr. Stanford hears this one often and is quick to point out "Obesity is not a willpower problem."

Many people with obesity have tried multiple evidence-based treatments and still struggle. Suggesting they simply lack discipline is not only untrue it’s cruel.

Remember: Telling someone to “try harder” when they’re already doing their best isn’t helpful it’s demoralizing.

5. “Have You Tried Exercising?”

Again, this assumes that someone with obesity is inactive or lazy which isn’t necessarily true. In fact, many people with obesity are more active than those in thinner bodies.

While exercise is excellent for mental and physical health, it’s not a magic bullet for weight loss. For many, especially those with obesity, exercise supports health but doesn’t drive significant weight change.

Instead: Ask if they’d like a walking buddy, or share your own workout for connection not correction.

6. “You Have Such a Pretty Face”

This backhanded compliment sends the message your body isn’t attractive, but at least your face is. It's reductive, outdated, and reinforces the harmful idea that beauty only exists in thin bodies.

What to say instead: If you want to compliment someone, make it genuine and don’t contrast it with a critique.

7. “It’s Great That You’re Losing Weight Naturally”

This implies that other methods like medication or surgery are somehow less valid or “cheating.” Dr. Stanford explains that this type of comment stigmatizes people who use legitimate, FDA-approved treatments for obesity.

Just as we don’t shame someone for taking insulin for diabetes, we shouldn’t shame someone for choosing surgery or medications to treat obesity. These tools are underutilized in part because of public stigma not because they don’t work.

What matters most: Support someone’s choices without judgment. Everyone’s health journey looks different.

The Bigger Picture: Weight Bias Is Real and Harmful

Weight bias is the second most common form of discrimination in the U.S., after racial bias. And it can compound for individuals who belong to racial or ethnic minority communities, Dr. Stanford notes.

Even well-intentioned healthcare professionals sometimes get it wrong, making hurtful assumptions or offering oversimplified advice. That’s why it’s so important to check your biases and stop making body size a topic of conversation.

The Bottom Line

Unless someone invites you into a conversation about their body, don’t go there. Whether it’s a stranger, a friend, or a loved one, their weight is not your business.

Instead, lead with empathy. Ask how they’re doing. Listen. Support their mental, emotional, and physical well-being without making it about size.

If this article resonated with you, consider sharing it or subscribing to our newsletter for more insightful, compassionate health coverage.