Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety: Advice from Mental Health Experts

Anxiety affects approximately 40 million adults in the U.S., making it one of the most common mental health challenges. If you have a friend or loved one navigating anxiety, you may wonder how to offer meaningful support. While your intention might be to help, knowing what to say and what to avoid can make a significant difference in how your loved one feels.

Here’s what mental health experts recommend saying to someone with anxiety, and how to ensure your support is both compassionate and effective.

Why Checking In Matters

People with anxiety often withdraw or struggle to initiate contact, making it all the more important to reach out. "Checking in shows them they’re not alone," says Melva Green, M.D., a psychiatrist and co-author of Breathing Room. Regular wellness checks and reminders of unconditional love can make a significant impact, notes clinical psychologist Alfiee Breland-Noble, Ph.D. Simple gestures can reduce stigma and make your loved one feel seen and supported.

What to Say to Someone with Anxiety

Get Curious

Opening the conversation with genuine curiosity can be life-changing for someone with anxiety. Use open-ended, empathetic questions to invite them to share their feelings. For example:

• “I care about you and want to support you. Is there anything I can do for you right now?”

• “Can you describe how I might help you feel better in this moment?”

These questions demonstrate unconditional regard and avoid assumptions about their needs. Listening actively and following through on their requests can deepen your connection and provide them with a sense of relief.

Show Care and Concern

Expressions of love and support can be grounding for someone with anxiety. Try saying:

• “I love you and I’m here to support you.”

• “I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed, and I want you to know you don’t have to face this alone.”

These affirmations convey your commitment to them as a person, separate from their struggles with anxiety.

Validate Their Feelings

Validation helps reduce the isolation and self-doubt that often accompany anxiety. Use phrases such as:

• “It’s okay to not be okay.”

• “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”

• “I hear you, and your feelings are valid.”

Acknowledging their experience without minimizing it can soothe their nervous system and promote emotional regulation.

Offer Gentle Encouragement

Encourage them to take things at their own pace. Reassuring statements like, “Be gentle with yourself,” or “It’s okay to take breaks,” show that you understand their need for self-care and patience.

What Not to Say to Someone with Anxiety

• Avoid Dismissive Statements

• Phrases like “Calm down,” “It’s not that bad,” or “You have nothing to worry about,” invalidate their experience and can make them feel judged or misunderstood. Instead, focus on listening and affirming their feelings.

• Don’t Make It About Yourself

• While sharing your own experiences with anxiety can be helpful, avoid assuming your situation is identical to theirs. Preface your story with:

• I know I can’t fully understand your experience, but would it help if I shared what’s worked for me?”

• This ensures your input feels supportive rather than dismissive.

• Resist the Urge to “Fix” Them

• Your role is to offer support, not solutions. Instead of jumping into problem-solving mode, focus on being present and empathetic. If they’re open to advice, encourage professional help by saying.

Would you like me to help you find someone to talk to? Therapy can be a great step toward feeling better.”

Supporting Yourself While Helping Others

Helping someone with anxiety can be emotionally taxing. It’s essential to check in with your own mental health and set boundaries if needed. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” says Dr. Breland-Noble. Only engage when you feel capable of providing support without compromising your own well-being.

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t require perfect words just a willingness to show up, listen, and validate their experience. By practicing compassion and encouraging open dialogue, you can create a safe space where your loved one feels seen and supported.

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