Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex

No matter how strong you are or how long it’s been, breakups have a way of lingering. Maybe it’s a song, a place, or an unexpected memory that takes you right back. If you're wondering why you still can’t get over your ex, you're far from alone and there are deeper psychological reasons behind that feeling.

Whether your relationship ended suddenly, your ex has already moved on, or you're the one who walked away but still can't shake them, the emotional weight of love lost is very real. According to relationship experts, some breakups don’t just fade with time they require real emotional processing and intentional healing. Here's why you're stuck and how to start letting go.

13 reasons you might still be hung up on your ex

1. The breakup wasn’t mutual
When you didn’t choose the ending, you're more likely to struggle with acceptance. “You’re not only grieving the relationship you’re dealing with the shock,” says sex and relationship therapist Juliana Hauser, PhD, LMFT.

2. There were unresolved issues
Breakups that happen abruptly or without closure leave the psyche working overtime to make sense of the “what ifs,” says psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD.

3. You’re fantasizing about what could have been
You might not be missing the person, but the potential you imagined with them. Short-term relationships can be especially tough to shake if you never got to see them play out.

4. Your ex hurt you and never made it right
Betrayal without an apology can leave you emotionally spinning. That lack of remorse may feel like unfinished business.

5. It mirrors an old pattern
According to sociologist Jess Carbino, PhD, many people unconsciously recreate dynamics they experienced with caregivers. If you have attachment wounds, certain breakups can reopen them.

6. The breakup had social fallout
Losing mutual friends or status or simply feeling like your identity has shifted post-breakup can deepen the emotional blow.

7. They were part of big life moments
From weddings to graduations, shared experiences create emotional anchors that keep their memory alive long after they’re gone.

8. You still see or follow them
Even a simple social media story can bring them flooding back. Relationship expert Rebecca Marcus, LCSW, says staying digitally connected prolongs healing.

9. They show up in your dreams
Your subconscious isn’t as ready to move on as you might think. Dreams are one way your brain continues to process emotional loss.

10. You’re an overthinker
Ruminating is your brain’s way of trying to prevent future pain by analyzing the past. But the “why” may never be fully clear and that’s okay.

11. A breakup triggered past trauma
If you’ve experienced abandonment or emotional neglect in the past, a breakup can reignite that unresolved hurt.

12. You have an anxious attachment style
When someone you love pulls away, it can activate a deep fear of rejection especially if you tend to crave closeness and reassurance.

13. You romanticize the past
Selective memory can play tricks on you. “Romanticizing the past provides temporary comfort, but it can keep you from moving forward,” Marcus explains.

How to finally move forward

While time helps, action helps more. Here’s what experts recommend when it feels impossible to let go:

• Feel your feelings. Don’t skip the grief. Journal, talk to a friend, or work with a therapist to fully process the sadness, anger, or disappointment.

• Acknowledge your role. Healing isn’t just about what they did consider what you learned from the relationship and how you can grow.

• Stop idealizing your ex. Make a list of the ways they were incompatible or unsupportive. See the full picture not just the highlight reel.

• Reconnect with what makes you feel like you. Explore a new hobby, volunteer, or plan something fun. Finding joy again is part of the process.

• Cut contact (at least for now). Unfollow them, delete old photos, and commit to 30 days of no contact. Protect your peace.

• Consider counseling. If you’re stuck in rumination or suspect deeper wounds are at play, a therapist can help guide you through it.

Above all, remember that struggling to get over someone doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken it means you loved deeply. And with time, intention, and a little support, you can release the grip your ex has on your heart and create space for what (and who) comes next.

If this article helped you, share it or subscribe to our newsletter for more empowering mental wellness insights.